Throwback Thursday: Much Ado About Nothing Act 3 Scene 4 – 2014 – Valley Girl Rewrite

Throwback Thursday, where, essentially I post old writing samples, essays and short stories that I dig up from my pile of hoarded papers and school assignments or from the depths of my computer. So everyone can see how my writing has changed/improved over the years.

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(Enter Hero, Margaret, and Ursula)

Hero:  Ursula, could you, like, wake up, Beatrice? Cuz, like, you know, today’s my wedding day and she needs to, like, help me into my dress. OMG where is she?

Ursula:  Fine.

(Looks in the distance)

(Hero taps her shoulder)

Hero:  Ursula?

Ursula:  Ya?

Hero:  NOW!

Ursula:  Ok, ok. Shish. Like, take a chill pill.

(She exits)

Hero:  Shoo. Ok, Margaret, like, this is, like, my dress. What do you, like, think girl?

Margaret:  I think, like, that looks like one of those, ummm, dresses from Shakespeare’s time. What was that, like, called again?

(Looks in dictionary on phone)

Hero:  Margaret!

Margaret:  Gosh! Girl, I like, already found it. It was like, called a rebato. Ok, so that dress, like, looks like a rebato, ummm… But extra ugly.

Hero:  What?!

Margaret:  Especially on you.

Hero:  Ok, like, what’s your damage and, like, call the fashion police, cuz you girl, have no style.

Margaret:  Pah-lease, girl. You’re the one, like, with no style. Have you, like, not seen the dress?

Hero:  Whatevs, you’re just jealous.

Margaret:  Am not!

(Stamps foot)

Hero:  OMG! This dress is, like, so heavy!

Margaret:  It’ll, like, be heavier soon. You know, with a man on it.

(Covers her ears)

 Hero:  Oh my gosh, no! Like, my virgin ears! Why would you, like, say something like that?

Margaret:  What? Like, we all know it’s true. I mean, like, you are getting married, you know. What did you, like, think was gonna happen?

Hero: OMG! Like, where’s Beatrice?

(“Deleted Scene” Ursula gets Beatrice)

Ursula:  Beatrice, like, wake up girl! Hero, like, needs your help.

Beatrice:  Uh, why?! Like, it’s not my problem she can’t get dressed by herself.

Ursula:  Well, she is, like, getting married and, like, you are her cousin so…, like, go.

Beatrice:  Uh! Fine, whatever. But really, marriage is bor-ing!

(Back to Hero’s room – Enter Beatrice)

Hero:  Hey girl! Like, finally!

Beatrice:  Hey, like, Ursula said you, like, needed something.

Hero:  Ya, but are you, like, sick or something? OMG if you are, like, get away from me! I CANNOT get sick on my wedding day. (Hides behind Ursula)

Beatrice:  Ok… But no, like, probably not. Just, like ummm, a headache or something.

Margaret (to Hero):  Oh, she’s not sick, girl. She’s in love, like, L-O-V-E, love.

Beatrice (to Margaret): Congrats, you can spell.

Hero (to Margaret):  What kind of other, like, love is there?

Beatrice:  Uh, no girls, I’m not in love. And you can’t talk to me like that, Margaret. You work for me, like, remember!

Margaret:  I do remember but, like, you ARE in love. And I also, like, know the cure for your sickness.

Ursula (to the side): Uh, please don’t kill each other; bloods like, so hard to get out.

(Rolls her eyes)

Beatrice (to Margaret):  What?

Margaret:   Like, Benedick. Duh!

Beatrice: OMG, NO!

Hero:  OMG, YES! I, like, totally ship you guys.

(Beatrice evilly stares at Hero)

Hero: Sorry.

Margaret:  Whatever, we all, like, know it’s true, Ms. In Denial.

Beatrice:  Whatevs, and you know what? I do feel sick, but, like, Benedick is not my cure. It’s, like, to get this stupid wedding over with. Sorry, Hero. Come on, let’s just, like, get you ready.   (To the side after looking at the dress: egh, gag me with a spoon.)

(Ursula gets text)

Ursula:  Girls, Don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick, Don John, and, like, ALL the other cute guys in town have come to, like, take you to the church.

Hero:  Oh. My. Gosh, it’s, like, almost time. Come on Margaret, Ursula, Beatrice. Like, we have a wedding to attend.

 (They exit)

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Story time!

So, I didn’t write this by myself. I wrote it in 8th grade with a group of three other girls. We have to dress up and perform this in front of the class.

For the project, the teacher essentially assigned each group a scene and an accent and told us to have at it.

So, we rewrote the scene with a modern setting and valley girl vernacular, as stereotypical as we could be. We dressed in all pink and sequins, did outrageous makeup (all bright colors and way too much of it) and everything.

It was fun, we got an A.

But when we were done and had to change back into our uniforms we realized that no one brought make up remover… So me and my best friend had to walk into are next class with bright purple eye shadow smeared all over, smeared all over mascara/eye liner and so much concealer/foundation that didn’t actually match our skin.

Our teacher was so confused and concerned. She thought I had a black eye.