I haven’t done a scars and stories post in a long time, not since (and I just checked this) October of 2016. I’ve only done about 5 total in the over-a-year since I’ve started these…new blogging goal, actually WRITE MY OWN FEATURES.
I’m getting off track.
So, I’ve mentioned that I identify as asexual (ace) a couple of times on this blog, but its never really been anything I’ve talked about, mostly just because it didn’t feel like the sort of thing to talk about in the middle of a book tag or whatever.
And I thought it’d make a good Scars & Stories prompt, so here we are.
Asexuality, if you don’t know, means a lack of sexual attraction. It is NOT the same thing as being romantic, which is a lack of romantic attraction, which I don’t think I identify as.
Asexuality is a spectrum, and there are different kinds, and honestly I don’t know everything about it, but there is different extents, such as:
-Complete asexuality where you experience attraction under no circumstances.
-Demi-sexuality, where you experience sexual attraction to someone only after falling in love with them.
-There is sex-apethtic, where sex doesn’t excite you but doesn’t repulse you.
-And semi-repulsed which is pretty self explanatory.
Where I Fall:
I honestly don’t really know where exactly I fall on the spectrum. I know I’m ace, and maybe I’m demi-, but I know I’m not aromantic, because I do want to get married and have kids one day. WHICH IS SOMETHING ACE PEOPLE CAN DO BY THE WAY. Like, after I graduate from college though. I do not want to be a teen mother.
So I started identifying as ace in freshman year of high school, so I was 14/15 (depending on the month – I don’t quite remember).
I do remember the moment quite vividly though.
In my high school, I am a part of a magnet (basically meaning special/advanced) program – I’m in the Biomedical academy. First year biomed is basically basic anatomy and physiology as at simplified level. And in this class we had a sex-ed program called “Be Hip”. And to their credit they touched upon different sexualities. They also mentioned something called the Kinsey Scale.
Fast forward a couple of weeks. Our teacher leaves us alone for a while. And since we’re the good kids at nerd school, we don’t start wrecking havoc, but rather decide to take this Kinsey Scale test that we had heard about on our phones.
So, we pass the phone around the table to take the test.
(Sidebar – The Kinsey Scale is a sexuality measurement test named after a psychologist whose focus of study/research was human sexuality and its variations. It goes from 1-6. A 1 means entirely heterosexual, a 6 is entirely homosexual, a 3 is bisexual with even preference, 2’s and 4’s are graduations meaning you are willing to try and/or like both sexes but lean mostly one way or another. An X stands for no-sexuality or, asexual.)
Most of my friends get 1’s (completely straight), one girl gets a 3 (bi- but she had already come out to us and so we were entirely unsurprised). I got an X – this was not something we understood.
So, we looked up what asexuality was – and everyone basically agreed it applied to me. I was, after all, the only one in our entire friend group who, not only hadn’t had a boyfriend/girlfriend but also had never even had a crush on anyone.
This obviously doesn’t set anything in stone. The Kinsey Scale isn’t foolproof, sexuality is a fluid, personal thing. And it was mostly a joke, everyone basically assumed I just didn’t like anyone yet and would grow out of it.
But the more I thought about it, the more I thought it was true. But it felt weird to say that, since I knew I still wanted to have a family one day – and that seemed at odds.
But I learned more about the spectrum, and while I don’t know exactly where I fall on it – I know I do fall somewhere on it.
Now, being asexual is not quite as dramatic a revelation as coming out as other sexualities. But I do have a pretty funny story.
My dad still mostly affirms that I’ll grow out of it, but I’m about 90% sure he’s joking.
My mom on the other hand…
Flash forward a few more weeks, my mom is driving me to school. And she’s been working late so I hadn’t talked to her much about school.
So she’s asking me about my friends and what we’re doing in school, in biomed etc. Off handedly I mention “we took the Kinsey scale test in class”, and said nothing more on it. After a beat my mom says, “So did you get an X” – cue screeching rewound record noise, I remember suddenly that my mother has a MASTERS DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY. She very much knows what the Kinsey scale is. I ask how she knew I got an X, she says “I know my daughter” – that is the one and only conversation we have ever had about it.
While I don’t talk to my parents much about it, it is something that comes up at school a considerable amount. Especially since my best friend just started dating, everyone now thinks I should to – the Sam’s Asexual thing comes up a lot more now, but at least its stopped being such a joke. I think people finally realized its very, very, legitimate.
That’s all I have to say really.
Its not very exciting/dramatic but it is a story I wanted to share.
Do any of you identify as asexual?
Did this help you understand asexuality better if you didn’t before?
Do you want to see more of these Scars & Stories posts?
Let me know!
3 thoughts on “Scars & Stories: Asexuality”
Maybe this is too much to share with others but I discovered I aligned with asexuality in recent years. I’m married. I had crushes. But I’ve never looked at any person in my life and wanted to do anything sexual with them until my husband. Sometimes I feel like I’m missing out on a joke everyone else gets because our culture is so heavily sexualized and I can’t understand it and I truly don’t care about sex like everyone else. Either way, thanks for sharing your story 🙂
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I am ace too and it’s honestly still refreshing to find other people 🙂 it’s good that your parents are approving, and I sure hope your dad is joking! I heard that sentence waaayyy too many times from previous boyfriends and such haha
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I hadn’t heard of the Kinsey test, I’m intrigued! I like your little storytime about being asexual, it was a nice read. Asexuality is something I’m been thinking about for a while now, but I dont know much about myself and my own sexuality yet so I’m a bit scared to go ahead and slap a label on it. Thank you for discussing this though, it is really helpful! 🙂
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